


Go to War No More

by doctor__idiot



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 11x12 "Don't You Forget About Me", Episode Related, F/F, First Kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-06-05 18:25:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6716176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctor__idiot/pseuds/doctor__idiot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After getting stitched up at the hospital, sleep is still a long way out for Claire when there is a knock on the door.</p><p>Missing scene for 11x12 "Don't You Forget About Me".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Go to War No More

**Author's Note:**

> I re-watched all of season 10 and 11 and fell in love with this episode all over again. This is my first try at fem slash.
> 
> Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Unbeta'd.
> 
> Title from Patty Griffin's "Go Wherever You Wanna Go".

“Claire? Can I come in?”

Claire clicked out of the window on her laptop. She had been searching the police data bases for strange occurrences, missing persons, and animal attacks, just the way Sam had showed her, but so far, nothing interesting had come up.

Maybe it was a little too soon to get back into the ring anyway.

She made a gesture towards the door where Alex was hovering in the frame. “Sure.”

“How are you, um…” Alex self-consciously rubbed the inside of her wrist. "How are you doing?" She made a vague motion towards her own unblemished cheek.

Claire automatically touched hers, wound scabbed over now but still slightly warm to the touch. It pulled at her skin whenever she smiled. Not that she did much of that anyway.

She dropped her hand, said, “Fine.”

Taking in Alex's slumped shoulders, her tired eyes and bleak hair, and sighed. She scooted over on the bed, patted the space next to her. “What about you?”

Alex hesitated for all of two seconds before practically collapsing next to Claire. “I don't know,” she said. “I’ll be okay.”

The stuffed grumpy cat Castiel had gotten her from “the hot topical” sat on the bed between them and Alex looked down at it while Claire held her breath. She mentally prepared for being teased to hell and back about it.

To her utter astonishment, Alex merely picked it up and sat it on her lap, keeping hold of it while staring off into the distance.

“Listen –” Claire started at the same time as Alex said, “You really thought I hated you.”

Claire wasn't sure whether it was a question or not but she still nodded. Huffed an empty laugh. “I get it, you're not the cuddly type. And you made it pretty clear I was an intruding on what you and Jody got going here.”

“That's not –” Alex shook her head, inhaled. “You're right, I was mean to you. I treated you like shit because I felt like you were taking something from me, and I wanna say sorry for that. So, I'm sorry.”

Claire rolled her eyes. “Hey, I'm over it.”

But Alex held up a hand. Her skin was dry, her nails bitten short but her fingers were slender and Claire found herself staring at them. 

“Claire, listen to me. I never hated you. I want you to know that. And I honestly hate what happened to you and Jody. I never want anything like that to happen to you ever again.”

Alex was looking right at her now, not at the floor anymore, not out of the window. Her eyes were awake and insistent.

“Um,” Claire said, stumped for words. She didn't remember the last time Alex had been so focused on her, if there had ever been such a time.

“You know,” her throat felt clogged for some reason, “I envied you a little. For Henry.” She made a face and Alex pulled one along with her. 

They laughed and it struck Claire that that might be the first time they had actually laughed together.

A strand of hair fell into Alex's face and Claire had the sudden urge to push it aside. She stifled it.

“Well, not for Henry,” she said, “but for being popular. For liking school. Since my dad ... I'm always gonna be an outsider.”

She couldn't look at Alex. She liked to think she wasn't one to run away from uncomfortable situations, she even provoked them most of the time, but Alex's eyes on her were suddenly too much to take.

Alex made a huffing noise. “Apparently, so am I.” She smiled and it was weak but not exactly sad. “Let's be outsiders together then.”

“That's an oxymoron,” Claire said, just to say something.

A brief laugh from Alex. “Look who's been to some classes after all.”

Claire smiled at her before looking at her hands again. That stupid piece of hair was still bouncing against Alex's cheek and Claire curled her hands into fists.

“You still thinking about leaving?”

She wasn’t sure where that question had come from but now that it was out there, she realized she genuinely didn’t want that.

Alex was silent for a minute maybe but it felt longer to Claire. “I don’t know,” she said honestly. “I don’t want to but it feels like the only option, you know?”

“No, I don’t.”

Alex smiled and this time it was regretful. She nodded to Claire’s laptop. “You’re barely out of the hospital and you’re already looking for another hunt.”

Guilty as charged, Claire pushed the laptop behind her back as if that would hide what she had been doing.

Alex held up her hands and Claire noticed her fingers again. “Hey, I get it. I wish I could do it. I wish I was selfless enough to go out there and kill monsters. To save people. But I can’t. I feel like I’m going to get dragged back in the wrong way and end up where I started, helping some vampires feed off innocent people because that’s –“

Claire vehemently shook her head. “No, that’s not you. They used you and you didn’t know anything else. You’re more than that.” She grabbed Alex’s forearms. “Even when you were popular, you were still nice to people. You loved Henry and even after we knew what he was, you still believed in the good in him.”

“That’s naivety. Not kindness.” Alex’s lips curled into a sneer but she didn’t try to extricate herself from Claire.

“Maybe. But all that counts is that it’s not evil. You might be an annoying little brat sometimes,” Claire grinned at her, “but you’re not that.”

Alex looked down at Claire’s fingers on her arms. Still didn’t move away.

Reluctantly, Claire let her go because it was getting weird. She rubbed her tingly palms against her pajama pants. 

“You don’t have to hunt to stay here. Jody and I can agree to never talk about it when you’re around,” she suggested.

Alex regarded her from the corner of her eyes, an odd curve to her lips. “I like hearing you talk about it. It’s kind of badass.”

Claire let out a surprised burst of laughter. “Yeah, right. Thought you said you wanted nothing to do with it.”

“I don’t. I just…”

“Hey,” Claire nudged her. “What about you don’t leave for now and then we’ll see. If it gets to much, tell me. Us. You can talk about the stuff that’s bothering you.”

Alex drew one sardonic eye brow. “Sure thing, Little Miss Sunshine. Because you’re the sharing kind of type, huh?” She lowered her voice mockingly, “‘I’m fine.’”

“I am fine,” Claire insisted.

Alex raised her left hand and for one surreal moment Claire thought Alex was going to hit her. But all she did was lightly put her fingers on the side of Claire’s neck where that asshole’s fangs had pierced her skin, wound still slightly raw and surrounded by purple, white gauze covering the worst of it.

Claire froze when Alex brushed her hair aside and ghosted gentle fingertips over the bruises. She had to remind herself to keep breathing.

“Does it still hurt?” Alex’s voice was quiet and slightly unsteady and Claire thought that maybe it wasn’t all her imagination.

She swallowed, voice scratchy when she said, “Only when I move my head.”

The joke fell flat. Alex smiled anyway, her fingers never leaving Claire’s skin, palm resting against Claire’s collar bone.

This was unfamiliar territory. Claire couldn’t extract herself from this with a sarcastic remark and that scared her. But what scared her even more was that she didn’t even for one second actually want to remove herself from Alex’s proximity.

Alex smelled like vanilla and blood, although the latter might just be a phantom remnant of earlier, stuck in Claire’s nose the same way the smell of cut onions always lingered in the kitchen for days.

Suddenly, Claire felt self-conscious. She had to look exhausted and reek of sweat and antiseptic from the hospital. She was in desperate need of a shower but had been too tired to manage it.

Alex didn’t seem to mind the way Claire smelled. She scooted closer, practically snuggled into Claire’s side, curving her back a little to fit into the crook of Claire’s shoulder, not unlike a small animal.

“I…” Claire started, unsure of what to say or what to do with her hands. 

Her palm was bandaged. She had roughed it up a little when wielding the machete to hack off that asshat’s head. It always looked so effortless when Sam or Dean did that stuff.

As if Alex knew what she was thinking about, she said, “So, those hunters. They’re pretty hot.”

Claire snorted, some of the tension leaving her body. “I guess.”

“You ever…” Alex looked at her, made suggestive motion with her tongue and then laughed at Claire’s undoubtedly scandalized expression.

“Dude, no!” Claire shoved her playfully, making a not-so-subtle gagging noise. “They’re, like, old enough to be my dads.”

Alex wiggled her eyebrows. “Yeah, your daddies.”

Claire shoved her harder, making her nearly lose her balance. “You’re disgusting!”

Alex was laughing out loud now, dropping heavily against Claire’s shoulder. Her snickers got muffled by Claire’s thin pajama top.

It was infectious and soon Claire was giggling along, her ribcage vibrating against Alex’s. 

Eventually, their laughter died down and Alex looked up at her with her ice-blue eyes and Claire somehow knew that she was about to get kissed. By a girl. By Alex.

It should surprise her. If not the kiss itself then at least that she had no intention of stopping it but it didn’t.

Alex lifted her head a little, Claire dipped her chin and they slid together perfectly. It was a little clichéd and if Claire would have seen it on TV she would have dislocated her eyeballs from rolling them so hard, but there was nothing ridiculous about it now.

Not when Alex’s soft – oh god, so soft – mouth was on hers, their lips just sort of resting against each other, breathing in unison.

Then one of them made a noise, a desperate little sound at the back of the throat, and Jesus, Claire was fairly sure that it had come from her. 

Alex responded by putting her hands on each side of Claire’s face, holding it gently as if she didn’t think she was allowed or maybe as if Claire was a fragile thing, and Claire vowed to show her that neither was the case.

Her ams were on Alex’s forearms, on her waist, her hips before Claire was even aware of it.

Alex made the most delicious noise and it opened her mouth against Claire’s. 

Wet, warm, and unfamiliar, it made Claire think What the hell am I doing here for all of two seconds before she allowed herself to tighten her grip and shut off her brain. Allowed herself to just feel.

Alex against her, kissing her back without any hesitation, was the best damn thing she had felt in a long time. It was terrifying.

She broke away, hands not leaving Alex’s hips, resting her forehead against Alex’s temple.

“Sorry,” she said, “I just need a moment.”

Alex’s laugh was breathless. “No problem. I’m … a little overwhelmed myself.”

Claire nodded, breathing in the scent of Alex’s hair, allowing herself to feel safe for the time being despite everything that happened earlier that night.

“I don’t want you to go,” she said. It came out of her like a punch and without her approval, heart and tongue tripping over each other before her brain had the chance to catch up.

Predictably, Alex sighed. “I…” she started, “I don’t know what I’m gonna do, yet.”

“Yeah, I know. ‘m just saying.

Claire tilted her head slightly, leaving it rested again the side of Alex’s, neither of them bothered by their closeness.

Alex’s hand dropped to Claire’s shoulders, fingers playing with the slowly unraveling braid. 

Claire closed her eyes. “You wanna…” She cleared her throat. “You maybe wanna stay here tonight?”

Thumb gently stroking the edge of the bandage on Claire’s neck, Alex made a small pleased noise. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

That night, for once, it didn’t take Claire hours of tossing and turning to fall asleep. Cuddled up next to each other, their naked legs tangled, Claire’s right hand resting just below Alex’s collarbone and Alex’s head pillowed on Claire’s shoulder.

They woke up just as wrapped up in each other as they had been when they had gone to sleep and they shared a tired but affectionate smile over the breakfast table while Jody poured the coffee.


End file.
